The conflict cycle of avoidance starts by thinking all conflict is “BAD.” When a conflict presents itself, it may cause nervous emotions. One or more parties avoid talking about it or to each other as long as possible. The conflict gets out of control and demands attention, so the parties handle it badly. The issue remains unresolved, and the patterns of avoidance return, only to escalate and erupt again (Wilmot, 136).

Emotions lend dimension to life. Without them, people would have a co-existence similar to reptiles or fish, with little more response than fight or flight to break up the daily routine of “eat or be eaten.” One cannot stop having emotions, or ignore them, because they affect the body, whether negatively or positively, and one cannot outrun the physiological changes that occur. Dealing directly with emotions is a complicated task. Because it affects one’s thinking and behavior, an emotion is somewhat contagious. Herein lies the key: Being a “non-anxious presence” is contagious (Wade). When negative emotions rise, it is more effective for the negotiation to address the core concerns and future needs versus mire through past events (Boulle, 48). Certainly do enough research, by listening, to establish which core concerns are present. Then move into appreciating their concerns, take a break from discussions to soothe both parties, and consider changing the players or the place of the next discussion (Fisher, 242). The four common purposes for expressing strong emotion are:

Focus on what is important, not on what is or is not true. Different sides see their actions from opposite perspectives, with people tending to assume their mistakes were the result of outside influence, but evaluating the same behavior in others as a character flaw. . Shift to a learning conversation. Letting the other party speak for themselves aborts guesswork about motives. This is disentangles intention from impact; while good intentions can still have a negative impact on the other party, clarifying the element of malicious intent is wise (Stone, 119-20). The goal to managing difficult conversations is not to accuse the other side of dishonesty, but to try to get the concerns and complaints out in the open.