The capacity for compassion is often directly proportional to the amount of satisfaction one is experiencing in one’s personal life. Cultivating a sense of gratitude lets appreciation take over resentment. Looking at the bigger picture, life’s smaller disappointments take a reasonable amount of attention instead of allowing the minor daily stressors to build up in the mind. Compassion is a choice and in estranged relationships, each side holds mixed feelings about each other. It remains their personal choice to follow a hateful path and hold onto prejudices or to choose to override malice and fear (Davis, 218-21). When people take responsibility for their actions, it does not guarantee reconciliation, but gives them back their self-respect. With this, they can reconcile within themselves to be accountable, and to slowly work their way back into the community (Davis, 264).
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: HUMILITY & ACCOUNTABILITY
It is natural to want things to be fair and right. Reconciliation stays focused on the goal of mutual healing and reestablishing a connection. The price of pride is there will be no change until one party moves toward the other. Acknowledging weaknesses requires humility, but by reviewing mistakes and negative patterns of behavior, if a person takes an honest inventory of himself or herself, they can take responsibility for character flaws with the intention of effecting change (Davis, 244-46).
LEARNING TO APOLOGIZE
Apologies are a powerful tool in any relationship. Sincerity can be healing for the person making the apology in addition to the injured party. When/If forgiveness evolves, it releases both parties as well. However, a genuine apology does not require or request anything in return. Insincere or inadequate apologies manipulate the other person into doing something, such as keeping silent/cooperation. It takes courage for someone to admit he is wrong.
The role of remorse and regret needs balance, as it is unfair to transfer guilt and grief onto those receiving an apology in such a way that they feel the need to take care of the first party. The receiving party’s responsibility is to be gracious, defer hurts and trust there will be another time to talk about details. If not, the injured party can move to action, as a consistent change in behavior speaks louder than words. Without putting effort forth to modify a flaw, or listen and learn about one another, words are hollow (Davis, 250-51). Some estrangements are two-sided and this may be a reasonable opportunity for the other side to offer an apology.